Monday, April 19, 2010

The day that nursing died

Just to document the last 10 weeks with LN I have to say that although I always have a rough time nursing, (very hard time actually and I never have enough milk), LN has surpassed all the previous horror stories. I won't say much about it because it's all yucky and TMI, but I will say that I have given up nursing three times and cried the entire day each time. I just really want to nurse, and I have a hard time just giving up to formula for lots of reasons, not to mention how it costs us 30 bucks a week! If you are a good nurser, thank someone up above, because it really is a blessing! LN and I kept passing thrush back and forth to each other for the first two months of nursing with makes you feel like your on fire inside and raw outside. I just finished up our 4th medication (Nystatin, GentianViolet, Clortrimozole, Fluconazole) because the first 3 didn't work. It has been awful, and now LN is mostly formula fed. In fact I was keeping up with my token 4 feedings or so a day until about two days ago when she decided that she hates me and never wants to nurse again. (Screaming bloody murder if I even tried which none of my boys had ever done. They at least humored me.) At first I thought maybe she had an ear infection or was hurting somewhere, but then she became the happiest baby on earth when I plugged in the bottle. Last night I tried to show her who's boss and wouldn't feed her a bottle all night until she'd eaten with me first. She finally did, but then I wondered why I went through all the trouble since she continues to fight me, and I now have a total of about 5 drops to feed her. This really hurts after all the awful pain I've endured for the last 10 weeks just to be able to nurse comfortably someday like I was finally able to with all my boys, and now I feel like it was all for nothing.

Just two days ago I was talking with friends and they were talking about all the bottles of breastmilk they found in the back of their freezer that they'd pumped and never used ages ago. I just wanted to cry. The most I've ever been able to pump is 2oz. Usually after pumping for an hour (both sides) I have 1/2 oz. At this point everyone says, "Have you seen a lactation consultant?" Yes, about 8 in my life. I know what to do and how to do it, and they are always surprised that I'm having so much trouble when they see me do it all perfectly. "You shouldn't be having pain/trouble", they say. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
I just like being close to you, and I want to give you the very best, but I'm not going to fight with you anymore. I give up, and you win, and I can't stop feeling sad about it.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Random stuff

Does anyone know where Pat's Aunt Pam and Uncle Woody are? We sure love them. I thought of them today, because Aunt Pam made this blanket for Dallas and I'm still using it. It has the entire alphabet crocheted on it and is very intricate and beautiful. Pam and Woody are so fun. We always went out near the beach and had great fun with them. Ahh... California... Your state is a mess, but it is oh so beautiful!
Does Leia sleep in her crib? Hardly ever. A chair suits us all much better, especially since the living room is warmer, and this chair rocks. So her crib has turned into the changing table/clothing/blanket/burp cloth stash.


First encounter with a frog.


This is the way Sam sits. I think all the boys sit this way because Pat still sits this way. It's cute.

Thoughts from Evan

Karisa said to Sam "Sam, I LOVE you!" and Evan followed up with "Yeah, he's SO cute!"

Evan's been asking a lot of questions about boobs lately:
"Are those boobs for Leia?"
"Where'd you get that boob?"
"That's a cute boob."

The trouble is he's really talking about some bibs that my mother sent and just keeps getting the word wrong.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

More LN + E

Karisa went out jogging with the boys on Friday, they all insisted that they wanted to go with her. They ended up going about a mile overall. In the first half a mile Evan started crying and told her that he had wanted go in the car. Karisa told him that if they had taken the van they wouldn't have been running. Evan said "Dad says the van CAN run!"

Evan closing his eyes, pretending to be asleep:

We weren't ready to dress a girl for church until Karisa found a box from Laura that had some tights and shoes, about an hour before church started. Leia says thanks to her sister!

A couple of smiles during conference this morning:


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Evan's Spelling

Evan was writing on the white board this afternoon. He had his name and his two brothers' names already. I asked him if he could write my name, he spelled it out perfectly. He then told me he could write Mom's name. K-W-S-U. (Ka-Wi-S-Uh)