Baby steps, right? So Pat has been working on the budget with me for all of January, trying to fix problems and come up with a better way to manage what we have. This unfortunately has involved me losing my temper a lot, because he is good at buying things without telling me. Big things, small things, and everything in between. He doesn't try to hide it, but I always find out after the fact, as we do the budget together. It's very frustrating.
Then we have a Dr. Seuss argument, since our brains work so differently, and he says, But I did tell you!, and I say, After the fact!, and he says, Bim brings bims brooms!, and I say, "Who sews Sue's clothes? She sews Sue's clothes!", and that goes on for about 1 hour. I literally thought I was having an aneurism last week.
Hence a month spent on figuring things out and making a plan and cutting up credit cards and him apologizing and me feeling awful for yelling because that's just what Satan wants.
Long story short, it's worked out now and we just have to stay in our budget, which I'm actually scared of with a baby, and formula, diapers, etc. But we have seen the light (rice and beans) and he's excited and I'm excited, and we're working together weekly, and though it will take YEARS, and lots of saying NO, at least one day we can say yes. There is a light at the end of a very long tunnel. I'd say that's pretty good, and a lot of it we owe to finding that guy Dave Ramsey on the radio. He's inspired us.
Pat looks at me seriously and says, "Karisa, you're very critical, and you don't love me for who I am, and you want me to be someone I'm not", and then breaking into a grin he says, "but those things are small compared to the fact that you don't love baseball." And then I'm in love with him again. It's just how we are.
And what's not to love? He works hard, he makes our daily bread (literally), dances with his daughter, does a great job in teaching the young men and working with the scouts (he just went snow camping with them on the Klondike!), supports me with all my calling stuff, makes pinewood derby cars, does the dishes each night, corrects the kids school work, fixes the plumbing, shovels the snow, admits when he's wrong, helps with family night, helps with everything around the house, doesn't talk bad about people, I could go on and on, and lets not forget that the crazy fool LOVES me. He reminds me all the time how lucky I am too. It's much easier to accept that he's not perfect yet, when I look at the whole picture :) (I know I just posted this picture, but we both love it, and you can't even tell I'm 6 months pregnant.)
Yesterday I read the clock wrong and was in tears thinking something had happened to him on the way home. I didn't grow up with an intact family and am not very good at expressing love, and tend to focus on the bad rather than the good, but don't know what I would ever do without him, and love him so very, very, much.