Monday, April 29, 2013

My Epiphany

What a dream I had, that woke me up, and made my day!  In my dream, I was teaching history to high school kids, and there were behavior problems I was trying to solve, and problems with parents about how I solved those behavior problems, and at one point I was saying things that I knew were true, but I didn't have the facts and quotes memorized and on hand to prove it, so I was a very poor teacher and I should have been more prepared.

After this dream I just felt that I would really enjoy teaching history, perhaps to older kids.  It was the epiphany I wish I'd had when I was back in college and trying to figure out what to study.  But the dream also warned me of the difficulties in teaching older kids.  That I needed a good education first because kids always know when they have a good teacher and whether they're in a worthwhile class or not.  I've been teaching my kids history for years, and I read history books for fun, but I'm not that good.  I hate memorizing dates and names only.  I want to understand people.  I want to be like David Barton.  This guy comes as close as one can to knowing everything about everything (history-wise, that is).

I started out wanting to be a teacher, but college didn't go so well because I had to work full-time to support myself and was already making more than a starting teacher salary anyway, so it seemed kinda dumb back then.  Plus seeing the government and unions hand in everything made me sick.  I didn't like watching what my mom had to go through with them always forcing new curriculum training and then finding out later that the curriculum sucks.  And with California's extra two years to earn a credential, I crossed off teaching.

So after my mission I started leaning toward nursing or being a paramedic since the schooling was less time and the starting pay was higher and it seemed like a really useful career that I would enjoy.  But the hospital had given me my job back after my mission and same thing- I couldn't live at home and had to work full-time to support myself and I wasn't good at working and going to school.  It wore me out, and I may have been having a bit too much fun in my early 20's to care about it anyway.  Don't think ill of me.  My 20's were honestly the first time I was really happy. 

I am thankful that at least I got a taste of nursing and emergencies working at the hospital for years.  I was usually in Labor and Delivery and Pediatrics, and volunteering in the NICU.  Babies and children.  Doesn't sound like things I care about at all does it?

But overall, I think I have more of a gift for teaching, and I love history, so when I get a chance I will go back to school for that.

I also love music, but I wouldn't want to major in it.  I just would be happy to sing and play an instrument and be in a music group. Why else would I start my own music group?

Anyway, I'm grateful to finally have clarity more and more about who I am and what I want to become, and that dream helped a lot.  I'm not saying this dream was from God, but He has given me callings at church that have taught me so much about who I am and what I need to learn.  I'm currently being forced to learn the computer again(blah), and joyfully(!) get to work with the youth and I think they are amazing and love them so much!

I'm kind of in a pickle since my time is past and my kids come first now, and also there's the money that I won't have for years.  But as I wait for my turn, I can learn the computer again, and I can learn the gospel, and read good books, and help my kids learn who they are so they can hopefully figure it out before they're in their 30's!    And maybe one day I can wear this shirt!

1 comment:

Sarah said...

We should talk about this some time, it might not be as hard to do as you think! And you'd be wonderful!