Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Tatooed on my heart

As we went off to the hospital, the er, and numerous doctor appointments in the last week, Pat said, Aren't you glad we get to have all these dates?  You always wanted more time with me.  And I said, Yep.  I decided to have surgery on my ______ just so I could have lots of time with you.

Back to surgery again in just a few minutes. I am not so happy as I appear here.  I have been through so much, I am in the depths of despair.  My whole soul is weary.

I love Marilla.  Talk about a strong and wise woman Lucy Maud Montgomery created.  I love it when Anne declares dramatically that she's in the depths of despair.  Then she asks Marilla if she's ever felt that way, if she's ever been in the depths of despair, and Marilla says no.  Anne pleads, "Can't you even imagine that your in the depths of despair?", to which Marilla replies curtly, "No I cannot.  To despair is to turn your back on God."
The ancient prophet Moroni wrote: "And if ye have no hope ye must needs be in despair; and despair cometh because of iniquity.  And Christ truly said unto our fathers: If ye have faith ye can do all things which are expedient unto me."

So I am trying to be brave.  But I miss my kids.  Today was their first day of school.  I couldn't be there to meet their teachers or for any of it. 
And I want to take a picture of Charlie with me to the hospital, but I don't have a single picture of him printed out to clutch in my hand with the others.  (I don't have a cell phone.)
And I miss my baby.  Wonderful neighbors (M &J) and church friends have been watching him and Leia for days.
And my dear sweet girl,  who I've been looking forward to having gobs of time with and doing all sorts of projects and girly things with, is once again, having to wait.  She's so cheerful, despite it all.  I love my children so much.

They will be tattooed on my heart.

1 comment:

Christy said...

I love the Anne of Green Gables reference but I am sorry you are struggling. It isn't easy to let our kids go sometimes. I am so sorry you have to have surgery but so thankful for modern medicine that can help. I don't know exactly what you are having surgery for but I think it might be the same thing Mike Scott's wife just had surgery for. I don't know if you know her or are friends with them but it might be someone you could talk to about it? Sorry you are hurting and hoping you feel better soon and can get back to your family. Sending my love and prayers.