Sunday, April 10, 2016

My mind seems to be a forgetful lately.  I've been baking bread weekly for us.  My kids eat at least 10 loaves of my bread a week. That's a lot of bread.  The only problem is that each time I make it, I forget to add one ingredient.  Salt, for example. Bread does not taste good without salt!  After that, I left the salt out again!!  The next week, I forgot the yeast!!!  What is going on with me????

As I was cleaning my room, I came across these birthday cards from my bro and sis, T and Stephanie (above).  It was then I realized maybe old age was setting in.  These cards made me laugh so hard. 






(Only they could have gotten away with cards like these).

I also got a really nice card from my mom this week that came just when I needed it.  I've been really depressed lately.  A miracle happened for me, in that I carried a baby through the first trimester.  We saw the baby at 11 weeks wiggling around with a strong heartbeat.  Then when we had our next ultrasound (last week) at 13 weeks the baby was bowed, and the heartbeat was gone.  I was excited to tell my family that day, as soon as that appt was over, and begin to let the secret out (though it had gotten out to a few).  Instead, there was only sadness and tears.   It was hugely disappointing.  Now I have a surgery tomorrow to remove the baby.  Again.  It's scary.  I hate surgery.  And I wish all of the tiredness, and nausea, and adjustments of the last three months had been for something.  I wish I knew why my body is snuffing out these little lives.  I put on a happy face and move on.  I don't like to talk about it.  But it hurts my heart like I can't begin to describe.  It doesn't help that the hormones don't immediately disappear either, so I've still been throwing up and feeling pregnant, even though I know darn well, I'm not. We all felt good about this one, and the kids were praying each night...  Leia wants a sister so much.  Some things just don't make sense.  Like how I keep feeling God wants me to have one more, but for some reason it's definitely not working.  Over conference weekend, Pat alternated between working on the chicken house, and holding me tight.

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Now in random order, I found this book at the library and it was a beautiful story of letting go, and how we sometimes hold onto things (or people), even things that are bad for us, for fear of letting go.  Once we do, we can move on or grow.  It's just a super simple children's book, and I highly recommend it if you know anyone who needs this message in a simple and inspiring way.

Learning about Joan of Arc.

Thanks to Pat and the boys, we got a nice new chicken house/yard, and the old one was dismantled which took a LOT of work.  The chickens helped by eating all the bugs we unearthed. 

Spoiled chicken. Thinks she's queen of the yard.  We find chickens hilarious to look at. 
The ladies love their bugs
Needing some summer clothes, I ordered several shirts online and when they got here, I realized their sizes are different and they were all at least one to two sizes too big.  Instead of returning them all, I washed them thinking they might shrink.  They didn't.  Now I can't return them and they are way too big for me, and I still need clothes.  How much do you think Pat is going to love me now?  Another $100 please honey? Oh, and since I'm mentioning annoying things, we found termites, have a couple thousand needed for other various home repairs, and Pat hurt his back and is crawling around on the floor; his only manner of mobility.

Life.

On the whole though, I have to say I feel incredibly happy, blessed, and pleased with my life.  So many are suffering unthinkable things.  I know I have no reasons to complain.

3 comments:

Christy said...

Oh hon. I wish I could come over and just sit with you quietly. Sometimes that is even better than a hug. Or I wish I could take the kids off your hands for a day and let them get to know my kids. I don't know why you have all those miscarriages. I wish I did. I am sure a lot of smart people have a lot of thoughts on that. The Lord has a plan. That is what I know. Maybe you gotta just stop being so strong (wink). Just know He does have a reason and he does love you. Don't give up. I am sending hugs your way and I am praying for you and your family.

Hey, post your shirts on FB, or even this page. Maybe someone will buy them from you. If any are autumn colors, I would be interested! The only challenge with that is that you have to admit what size you are. ;0) At least that would be the hardest part for me. LOL

Sounds like you guys have a lot of things going on right now. I love the chickens. They look like they have lots of personality! What a good hubby and kids to build you a new coop.

There are always things that need repairs and bugs that are attacking...life is tough sometimes and it feels like it piles on. I have been there, and done that. Hang in there. After the trials always comes a calm moment, before it starts all over again. Soon you should be able to enjoy the calm before the next storm. I hope Pat's back feels better. That happens to Ben every year or two. It is no fun. It always makes me realize how much I depend on him.

Also, no matter that others may be suffering 'unthinkable things', it doesn't make your "things" any less traumatic for you or your life. It is okay to be sad for a moment, as long as you don't make camp there, right? Isn't there a conference talk about that or something? I am sure there is. If I was better, I would know off the top of my head who said it. The important part is that it is okay to be sad. It is okay for your heart to break. You are going through horribly hard things. My heart breaks for you, so I can only imagine what your heart is doing. Tomorrow is a new day though and another opportunity to make bread with salt and yeast!

I love you. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you, from all the way over here. Praying for you.

Love
Christy

PS
We saw your in-laws at a wedding on Saturday. They are looking great and had only wonderful things to say about you guys! :)

Karisa said...

This note made my day. Thank you Christy. You are someone who always makes me feel stronger and grounded. I appreciate your friendship and encouragement so much! You're my blogging buddy. Love you!

Christy said...

Love you too. Glad I could help, even from far away! :)