My mind seems to be a forgetful lately. I've been baking bread weekly for us. My kids eat at least 10 loaves of my bread a week. That's a lot of bread. The only problem is that each time I make it, I forget to add one ingredient. Salt, for example. Bread does not taste good without salt! After that, I left the salt out again!! The next week, I forgot the yeast!!! What is going on with me????
(Only they could have gotten away with cards like these).
I also got a really nice card from my mom this week that came just when I needed it. I've been really depressed lately. A miracle happened for me, in that I carried a baby through the first trimester. We saw the baby at 11 weeks wiggling around with a strong heartbeat. Then when we had our next ultrasound (last week) at 13 weeks the baby was bowed, and the heartbeat was gone. I was excited to tell my family that day, as soon as that appt was over, and begin to let the secret out (though it had gotten out to a few). Instead, there was only sadness and tears. It was hugely disappointing. Now I have a surgery tomorrow to remove the baby. Again. It's scary. I hate surgery. And I wish all of the tiredness, and nausea, and adjustments of the last three months had been for something. I wish I knew why my body is snuffing out these little lives. I put on a happy face and move on. I don't like to talk about it. But it hurts my heart like I can't begin to describe. It doesn't help that the hormones don't immediately disappear either, so I've still been throwing up and feeling pregnant, even though I know darn well, I'm not. We all felt good about this one, and the kids were praying each night... Leia wants a sister so much. Some things just don't make sense. Like how I keep feeling God wants me to have one more, but for some reason it's definitely not working. Over conference weekend, Pat alternated between working on the chicken house, and holding me tight.
Now in random order, I found this book at the library and it was a beautiful story of letting go, and how we sometimes hold onto things (or people), even things that are bad for us, for fear of letting go. Once we do, we can move on or grow. It's just a super simple children's book, and I highly recommend it if you know anyone who needs this message in a simple and inspiring way.
Learning about Joan of Arc.
Thanks to Pat and the boys, we got a nice new chicken house/yard, and the old one was dismantled which took a LOT of work. The chickens helped by eating all the bugs we unearthed.
Spoiled chicken. Thinks she's queen of the yard. We find chickens hilarious to look at.
On the whole though, I have to say I feel incredibly happy, blessed, and pleased with my life. So many are suffering unthinkable things. I know I have no reasons to complain.