Saturday, March 25, 2017

Where I go a little crazy...

A daddy daughter date to a wedding reception.  I had the flu, and had to miss it, even though it was for a dear girl who I knew since she was just a bit older than Leia here.  Time flies!


I'm going to have mostly grey hair by the end of this semester.  My heart hurts for how many people have dropped out of my Biology class.  I'm all too familiar with that hopeless, I'll-never-understand-this feeling.  We're down to less than half the class!  I'm sure some signed up for it frivolously and dropped it easily, but some NEEDED it.  And what must that do to someone's self esteem when you can't even understand what you need to?  I've had a coworker kill himself because he was not able to get anywhere in life and I know that so many feel like giving up because they feel like they'll never be good enough.  I wouldn't even be passing some of my classes without my live-in tutor Pat.  He's so wonderful and annoying.  I'll study something for a week, then he'll read it over in 10 minutes and explain everything I'm confused about like he's the professor himself.  I don't know how he does it.  I'm so glad I have him, and so annoyed by him at the same time!

Anyway, now that you know that I care way to much about random people, I do have to say that I'm quite pleased with the students who are left.  I'm twice their age, and we study group together and help each other and I think they are really neat!

But as I said, the flu (and probably stress) knocked me out for about three days, during which time I reread all the Twilight books and watched all the movies.  If anyone thinks less of me for that, I don't care. There is rarely a night I'm not up late doing homework, and I haven't had a date in months or any relax time ever.  Every weekend seems to be full of obligations and I was seriously going bonkers.  I hadn't done the Twilight Saga since they came out years ago and not being able to stomach anything that was on T.V. (or Netflicks) as I lay in bed with the flu, I decided to reread them.  The books are a combination of my favorite things: love, humor, friendship, and fantasy.  I'm a lot like Bella so it just makes sense to me.  The movies aren't near as funny as the books but I still love them.  Going by the books, I'm sort of a Jacob fan, but going by the movies, I'm team Robert Pattinson because he's so nice on the eyes. Kristen Stewart is too.  Most actresses that I'm told are supposed to be pretty just aren't to me, but she is beautiful; as far as looks go.  Sometimes we all just need an escape from reality and to feel like a silly girl again, and it did more for me emotionally that I can say.  I would laugh, and then bawl my eyes out back and forth as the stress left my body.  The music in the movies is really pretty.

When I was finally well enough, and Pat made me get back to the grind of Stats homework again.  I quickly felt the peace leaving me and the dread of stats (and all my other obligations) soaking in, so I asked him if we could listen to Bella's Lullaby while we worked.  Robert Pattinson plays it in the movie as he's a good musician, and it was like an immediate shot of some sort of happy drug.  The tears rolled down my cheeks as the music washed over me again making the unbearable bearable. And yes, I was fully aware that I might be crazy.

I made sure keep reading my daily scriptures and daily prayers, and I felt like God knew I needed that mental break.  I cried a lot while I was sick for seemingly no reason.  Even reading scriptures to my kids.  When Alma tells his son Helaman about his conversion, it's just so beautiful, I couldn't stop.  (I'd say I was pregnant if I didn't know better).

Last night the kids had their auction fundraiser for money for scout camps and such.  We auctioned two home cooked meals from a menu where the buyer could circle their choices.  (Cause I've got plenty of time for that, ha ha.)  I've been making meals for people in need, giving gifts for so many who are having babies and getting married right now, and when I have 10 minutes between studying and leaving for class, I call my visiting teachees to make the most of my time.  But I also know that the mental energy it takes to do everything is not sustainable (as evidenced by me being short with other people who try to add to my already full plate).  I happily say no to extra things no matter how desperate someone is for participation.  If there aren't people in the church to do it, then it needs to be scaled back or rethought, rather than forcing people to run faster than they have strength.

A couple of funny things:  Leia's been telling me how next year when she's 8 she'll be in scouts.  I keep telling her no, girls don't do scouts, but she doesn't seem to get it.  She reminded me the other day that I need to get her a scout shirt before she turns 8.  She's so funny.  She does get to do activities with the primary girls ages 8-11 though, so she'll have plenty of fun stuff to do, just no uniform.  I guess I could have her join girl scouts, but I'm not too keen on that idea.

Dallas came home using a new word: pulchritudinous.  Even though it looks (and sounds) like it would describe a disease or a bad attitude, pulchritudinous actually describes a person of breathtaking, heartbreaking...beauty.  I wonder if he'll find a situation to use it.

The school had a real-live George Washington impersonator come and visit every single class.  All four of my kids were enamored with him.  He had real hair, period clothing, fit the stature, talked correctly for the time, and they could ask him anything and he knew the answers.  These kids know their stuff at the school, so that is quite impressive.  They all had neat things to say about him!

And over the weekend the boys added to my emotional tears by playing beautiful songs of their own.  Dallas has a gorgeous arrangement of If You Could Hie to Kolob, and Yiruma's River Flows in You which is actually the first song I imagined Edward playing to Bella.  Evan has a gorgeous Russian one, and Sam has some beautiful ones too.  So proud of them.

Dallas had one last thing to do to wrap up his Eagle and it was to serve in the community.  He kept asking me to take him to the Salvation Army thrift store.  We had talked to them once, but never had a free weekend for months afterwards.  So suddenly one Saturday I told him to get his uniform on and we were going down there first thing.  It worked out perfectly.  They kept him all day and he cleaned and organized that whole store, and got his 8 hours of service done!

Charlie is really troubled going to bed without me these days.  He always says stay with me, sing songs, and I love you mama. He is so sweet and loving to me.  He'll just listen, but if I stop a song, he'll prompt me with the words.  I've been playing him some of my guitar songs too.  Once I start singing, he'll go right to sleep.

Today Charlie and Pat surprised me by showing up at the college when I got out of my class.  We played at the park across the street and Charlie had so much fun with his dad.  They did crazy stuff and told me about their trip to the library and lunch together before that.  Pat is a REALLY good dad.  At the library he said he and Charlie did a 100-piece Dinosaur puzzle, and a really hard 72 piece memory game.  I was just so happy to see them after my class!  I sure am blessed.

Sam did a disability awareness fair at the church for scouts and ran a dodgeball game. It went really well!  He's so funny now.  I can tell he's growing up.  He was sitting next to me as I drove him to school one day, and I was reminding him of something, and he just patted his hand on my shoulder like, "Mom, I know you mean well, but I've got this", as he reassured me.  It was such a grown up thing to do, it cracked me up.  My kids always impress me and they make me laugh with their great sense of humor.  I wish I could capture all the funny things they do.

 She's been to the nurse more than all her brother's combined.  My poor uncoordinated girl.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

I ran into D's piano teacher at our school, and she said she's glad he's being asked to play in church.  I remembered that he has started playing in the men's meeting (priesthood) before all the men separate into their own classes.  She's not a member of our church, so I'm really grateful that she's willing to help Dallas learn the hymns.

I'm really enjoying being in the primary presidency.  I enjoy being with kids and teaching.  I love both the tiny, cute, shy kids, and the bigger, funny, tired-of-primary kids.  I'm so glad I get to see Evan, Leia, and Charlie in there.  At the beginning of January, Charlie wouldn't do a thing but hide next to me.  Now he sits with his class, does the actions to the songs, goes up when they call on him, and I get to see it all!  (We smile a lot at each other too.)

I had fun teaching a lesson about Noah's ark, and passed out pairs of animals to the kids, which they then used to find their match and come up into the ark.  Last Sunday I got to teach about Abraham, choosing God, and had several people come in and share about good choices their ancestors made that have affected them.  I loved hearing those stories and really tried to pick the people who shared by inspiration.  They all did a wonderful job.

Most of all, I love the songs the children sing.  We have a fantastic music leader who is both fun and tender with the kids.  They are learning Gethsemane right now to sing for Easter, and the words bring tears to my eyes every time. Jenny Phillips is the author and composer, and her work is always powerfully inspired. I know I'm not the only adult in primary crying when I hear the children sing these words:

Jesus climbed the hill
To the garden still
His steps were heavy and slow
Love and a prayer
Took Him there
To the place only He could go

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So He went willingly
To Gethsemane

He felt all that was sad, wicked or bad
All the pain we would ever know
While His friends were asleep
He fought to keep
His promise made long ago

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So He went willingly
To Gethsemane

The hardest thing that ever was done
The greatest pain that ever was known
The biggest battle that ever was won
This was done by Jesus
The fight was won by Jesus


Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So He gave His gift to me
In Gethsemane

Gethsemane
Jesus loves me
So He gives His gift to me
From Gethsemane


Here's a beautiful video that can make you feel what I get to experience seeing the little girls and boys sing this song.  https://youtu.be/ZWIx24J00Wc

I tell my own kids who love super heroes that God is the most powerful, and Jesus the greatest hero we will ever know.  I truly believe the hardest thing that ever was done, the greatest pain that ever was known, the biggest battle that ever was won, THIS WAS DONE BY JESUS!  The fight was won by Jesus!  He saved us all.  He felt all that we experience and He understands what we're going through.  It is sweet to think, that along with the bad and sad that he had to experience in Gethsemane, that I know he probably saw all the children singing songs like this to Him too; that He got to see all of us who love Him. It must have helped. 


Our dearest girl started violin lessons (again)!!!  We hope it will work out better this time, though the timing was not my choice. What can I do?